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Femme Talks: 10 Places to Meet Lesbians

Show up at a lesbian bar. If you're lucky enough to live in a place where LGBT people can gather openly, take advantage of it.

This is a nerve wracking step for many newly out or semi-closeted lesbians, but gather up your confidence and get out there. If your town doesn't have a lesbian-specific bar, visit the gay bar to see if it attracts a wider LGBT clientele.

If you're not interested in a party or hookup scene, show up on a weekday evening. The atmosphere will be more relaxed and friendly conversation will be easier.

Straight bars are rarely a good place to look for same-sex dates. Attend concerts. Look for bands with a large lesbian fan base performing in your area.

Note that this doesn't just mean bands with LGBT musicians although it helps. If you think that lead singer is attractive, you're probably not alone.

Spend more time socializing. You don't need to attend a rainbow-themed roller derby club to meet other lesbians. The more time you spend in social activities, the better the chance of meeting people who catch your interest.

Whether it's attending classes at a community center or joining a sports team, picking up a hobby is a great way to meet like-minded people.

Even just starting conversations at the gym or getting to know progressive coworkers can help you make friends, and potentially something more.

Small towns may only have one or two locations where LGBT people are comfortable meeting openly. In that case, it may be easier to make your first connections with that community online or through LGBT events.

Go out to places on your own sometimes instead of always going out with friends. You're more likely to be approached by someone if you're by yourself.

Learn to drop the hint. Misconstrued signals are a perennial problem for lesbians trying to date in straight spaces, especially for people who fall more on the femme side of the spectrum.

If you don't want to spend an evening becoming a straight girl's new friend, you'll have to muster up some confidence and make it obvious what you're there for.

Make a casual reference to an ex-girlfriend or a comment about how you'd love to date that hot, female celebrity.

Mention an LGBT event you attended, and see whether she reacts positively. Volunteering at activist meetings and charity events is a great way to become involved in the LGBT community.

You get to work for organizations that represent your values, and meet other lesbians at the same time.

Find your comfort level when dating from the closet. It is much more difficult to date another lesbian if your sexuality is a secret.

Besides the scarcity of comfortable opportunities to signal your intent, many lesbians in LGBT-friendly areas are not interested in a closeted relationship.

If coming out would risk your safety or the health of important relationships in your life, or if you're just not ready, think carefully about the level of public disclosure you are willing to make.

A few options include: Coming out to close friends who are unlikely to spread the word back to your family and coworkers. Traveling to neighboring towns where you can be open in public with a lower chance of seeing someone you know.

Discreet online dating, as described below. This can be a great way to expand your comfort zone. Method 2 of Figure out what you're looking for.

For many newly out or closeted lesbians, online dating is their first opportunity to feel accepted, flirt, and overcome introversion about their sexuality.

Maybe that's all your looking for, maybe you're looking for casual sex, or maybe you're interested in long-term romantic relationships.

Think about your comfort level and what your goals are before you enter the digital dating world. Choose a dating service. The LGBT online dating scene has grown tremendously in the past ten years.

Here are a few of the more popular sites and apps: LGBT-specific: Her lesbian-only dating and social networking , Chemistry.

Hinge seems to tailor results for LGBT people better than other "swipe" apps. Protect your privacy. Online dating has its perils, so don't take chances.

Keep your personal information private, use a free email without your real name, and meet up with strangers in public locations.

In addition, if you are not out to everyone in your life, take extra steps to prevent nosy employers or family members from finding you. Most sites allow you to hide your profile until you've agreed to accept communications from someone, but this option makes it harder to make connections.

Ok Cupid has an "I don't want to be seen by straight people" checkbox in the privacy settings. Chances are good that your straight friends won't be browsing an LGBT-only dating site.

Just make sure the profile doesn't show up when you google your name. Be clear about what you're looking for. Unfortunately, there is a minor plague of straight women contacting lesbians for a threesome with their boyfriend.

Forestall some of this — and make your intentions clear to other lesbians — with a clear, direct description in your bio. Yes, you should talk to her.

Lesbians are people too. It's not like they have the plague or something. The website isn't very intuitive or nice to look at, but we'll ignore that the iOS and Android apps are much better looking than the desktop version.

The matchmaking process is super in-depth: Aside from the usual questions about age, height, body type, etc. Of course, you'll also write a bio and add pictures as well.

Our point? They really want to get to know you. Why it works: Launched in just a year before OkCupid , Plenty of Fish has been an extremely strong player in the online dating game and has one of the highest number of daily users over 3.

Chemistry is the name of the game here, and the multiple questionnaires are no joke. This isn't a quick five-second set up like other apps, as POF truly wants you to dig deep so that they can give you the best quality matches.

Not only does POF attempt to match you with people who you'll statistically get along with based on answers to questions, it also wants to match you with people who are looking for the same thing as you.

In the "meeting goals" section, you'll specify whether you're looking for something long term, looking to date but nothing serious, etc.

That's eliminating awkward "What are we" conversations and setting you up for success by pairing you with people with similar priorities.

T he bummers: It's not bisexual friendly. Bisexual erasure is one of the most common letdowns we've seen across any dating site. A site with the M.

Somehow, this isn't hurting POF's numbers at all, but it's something to consider if you're looking for both. The cost: POF is free to register and most of the must-have features are free, which is rare.

Image: hinge. Hinge Hinge will help you get to know the other person more deeply than any new app has attempted.

The gist: We'll start off by saying that Hinge refers to itself as the "The Relationship App," but our personal favorite self-proclaimed nickname is the "anti Tinder.

Instead of basing matches solely off location, Hinge takes your Facebook and will only match you with friends of friends.

So if you're tired of meeting really weird randos who are not who they say they are , Hinge wants to aid in pairing people who have mutual friends.

You scroll and judge people off of pictures and small bios like you would on Tinder or Bumble, but it doesn't deserve to be thrown in the "sketchy hookup app" category.

The setup: Hinge's recent makeover that caused it to explode with popularity brings a professional new look to previously swipe-only dating apps.

It's literally like scrolling through Instagram, and there are no dead ends from a wrong swipe. Hinge's CEO Justin McLeod has said that it's like "Instagram profiles for dating," and that beta testing has seen five times more conversation that it did when Hinge was a swiping app.

Not swiping one by one is seriously nice if you're making the jump from Tinder, and seeing a few matches in your daily batch gives you more time to consider options without making split decisions.

Hinge requires Facebook syncing and imports things like pictures, last names, as well as relationship status as a way to weed out cheaters or straight couples looking for threesomes.

To avoid people swiping at the speed of light and going through everyone in their area in an hour, Hinge starts out by only giving you seven matches per day.

That can increase to 15 if you invite more friends to use the app, but this is Hinge's way of slowing down the process and making it less about finding a quick hookup.

Aside from a bio, every user answers icebreakers that are featured on their profiles, giving anyone who wants to message them an easy in at thinking of a creative and relevant opening line.

AKA you won't have to text a screenshot to your friends asking if your first message to someone is okay.

Hinge wants to encourage more early conversation, which in turn leads to more meeting IRL. While Hinge started out as an app that shows you Facebook friends of friends, their algorithm has been getting smarter and smarter, and is now able to surpass friends of friends as a predictor of compatibility — so you won't be matched with someone horrendous just because you know the same person.

Rather, Hinge will help you get to know the other person more deeply than any new app has attempted, by revealing answers to juicy personality questions and detailed information like future plans, religion, and vices.

Seems like a pretty good recipe for a strong connection past looks, right? Plus, because you have a mutual connection, a double date with your mutual friend and someone else is a fun and not-so-nerve-wracking way to meet for the first time and could get things off the ground faster.

Unlike Tinder and Bumble, which seem to have a broken gaydar, Hinge won't throw random guys into your feed when you've selected women only.

The exclusivity is definitely annoying, but Hinge's encouragement to actually talk to the other person to find out information gives you a way to smooth out discrepancies right off the bat.

The cost: Hinge is free to download and the basic features you'll need like messaging and matching are free. Image: Bumble.

Bumble Bumble stands out for letting you "backtrack" and insisting you message your matches within 24 hours. The gist: Again, Bumble is mostly hetero focused, but that doesn't mean it's completely worthless for the queer women of the world.

For hetero matches, Bumble is known for their "girls have to message first rule," but that obviously doesn't apply to woman-woman matches.

But here's where the helpful part comes in: Bumble requires you to message within the first 24 hours, so if you're tired of looking at a list of Tinder or OkCupid matches from six months ago and actually want to force yourself to get to know people, this could be a good comfort zone pusher.

The setup: Bumble's yellow color scheme makes the app look serene and low pressure, which is a great start to users who are worried about feeling completely overwhelmed.

Similar to Tinder, you'll see pictures and short bios of potential matches in your area and can swipe right if you're interested and left if you're not.

You'll get a similar amount of information to what Tinder will give you in a similar setup. You've probably also experienced the anxiety that comes with accidentally swiping left on a person who you wanted to swipe right for.

Up to three times a day without paying , Bumble will allow you to "Backtrack" and bring back the last user you saw simply by giving your phone a shake.

Why it works: Someone literally has to message within 24 hours, or the match goes away. So if anything, it pushes you out of your comfort zone and could give you a serious confidence boost when you start getting responses from those first messages.

If you don't say anything, you could possibly be un-matching with the love of your life, and that's gonna bother you way more than possibly being ignored.

Bumble also has a BFF feature, where you can find friends that are strictly platonic — so you won't waste time talking to a cute girl for a few days just to find out she's not looking for anything past friendship.

This means giving more than two gender options seriously, are we in the dark ages? The cost: Bumble is free to download , but has a premium subscription called Bumble Boost.

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